How Much Space Should a Mom Give a Teenage Girl?

Teen Brain Development

• Teens̵7; brains are growing and developing, and their abilities to process information, make decisions, think through situations logically and manage their emotions are still forming. The young woman's brain doesn̵7;t reach maturity until she is in her mid-20s. Teens are also more likely to interpret the facial expressions of others as being angry even when they are not. This is due to their immature prefrontal cortex, which adults use to interpret facial expressions. If your daughter is easily set off and claims people are always appear mad at her, this might be why. Her need for space to cool off as she learns to handle her emotions is important.

Date Night

• When your daughter withdraws from you, stay focused on providing her the attention and love that she needs. A regular dinner night or breakfast date with chat about topics you mutually care about can help your teen feel more comfortable talking to you, and, if there are any serious problems, she will more likely feel that you are someone to whom she can open up. The goal of time together is for your daughter to have the room she needs to mature and to still stay connected to you as her mother. You are probably the most important force in your daughter̵7;s life, so it is important to try to maintain a connection with teens even as they make their own way.

Giving Space

• When your teen is overwhelmed with frustration and anger, avoid following her to her room and requiring an apology or explanation, suggests HelpGuide. Instead, talk with your teen when you are both calmer. Listen when your teen opens up to you so she has a sounding board as she works through her feelings. Avoid offering advice. Ask open-ended questions to help your teen process her thoughts. Also, avoid looking through her room, emails or texts. Teen Parenting Expert and Author Debra Beck suggests that you set a good example by honoring your daughter̵7;s privacy to avoid her finding ways to sneak around your snooping habits. You should know who your teen hangs out with, but you don̵7;t have to know every detail of her nights out. In addition, set limits on what privacy means in your house. Just because boys are allowed in her friends̵7; rooms doesn̵7;t mean that you should feel obligated to do so if it makes you uncomfortable.

Red Flags

• If you suspect that your daughter has more problems than just those of a typical teenager, it is time to limit or remove the privacy that you have previously allowed. Girls tend to become more verbally than physically abusive when their anger gets out of hand, and talk of suicide or spending too much time alone instead of with friends or family, can be signs that your teen may need some professional assistance. Strong mood swings or being sad or depressed all the time are also signs of potential trouble. Keeping a computer with Internet access out of her room and in a common area of the house can also limit potential problems.