The Co-Parenting Code of Conduct

Co-parenting can be a tricky dance. After all, presumably there's a reason you and your child's other parent aren't together anymore, and if your divorce or separation was contentious it can be extremely difficult to put the tense emotions aside and work together. However, presenting a united front as much as possible for your children is extremely important.

  1. Prioritize Needs

    • One of the most important things to remember about co-parenting is that the needs of your kids should come before the needs of you or your ex, reminds Mediate.com. What this means is that what's better for your child or children is what you keep in mind. If your child's school has a father/daughter dance on a weekend that's supposed to be your parenting time, be the bigger person and allow her to go with her dad, with a smile.

    Spell Things Out

    • You'll save many headaches in the long run if you're clear and specific when coming to a parenting agreement. For example, make it clear who will take your child for medical appointments, who is responsible for buying his school clothes and what holidays belong to which parent. Thinking and planning ahead will save you from needing to fight over who is going to take your son for his first haircut when the time comes. If possible, spell the most important things out in your divorce or custody agreement so there is no doubt about who will have the final say if there is a major medical issue or medical decision that needs to be made, as well as to what degree each parent has input on matters like where the child goes to school. If something unexpectedly comes up, such as a tricky financial problem or something that isn't covered under your parenting agreement, seek assistance from an unbiased mediator to help you work the situation out if you can't decide between yourselves.

    Remain Flexible

    • While planning ahead as much as possible is a good thing, it's also important to remain flexible and reasonable. This means that if your ex is supposed to be returning your child at 3 p.m. on a Sunday and calls to explain they want to see a movie. and would it be OK to get home at 4 instead, don't have a fit about it if you have no conflicting plans. There's no need to exert authority with your ex just to prove a point. If you're just sitting home watching television with the dog anyway, does an extra hour really matter?

    Watch Your Language

    • It can be really hard if you don't have a great relationship with your ex to not talk badly about him, but successful co-parenting requires it. This is especially important when your child is anywhere around, as she may be able to hear and understand what you're saying even if you think she's not paying attention, or is out of earshot. Do not demean or insult him, either to his face or in front of your child. This will not help you improve your relationship with your ex-spouse. Having a decent relationship makes co-parenting significantly easier, explains the Family Academy.

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