How to Know if You're a Helicopter Parent
Parents want the best for their child, but helicopter parents hover, ready to swoop in and solve all their child's problems. While their intentions may be quite selfless, this is a major parenting no-no because it stifles the child's problem-solving ability to the point where it actually impairs his development and undermines his confidence. By learning how to parent without impeding your child's growth you can recognize the signs of helicoptering parenting and know when to step back.
Instructions
Catch yourself if you find that you're giving in every time your toddler whines for a treat or a toy or catering to his every whim. If you're unable to cope with any sign of tears or disappointment, you're setting yourself up to shield him from any negative experience he may encounter later in life. If your little one never learns to deal with adversity, it will be extremely difficult for him when he later learns the world doesn't work that way. Be aware that your child needs to make his own friends on the playground and even deal with problems as they come up. Stepping in to help settle a major dispute or prevent him from being bullied is one thing, but if you jump in every time another child snatches a toy away or makes him wait for a turn on the slide, he'll never learn to deal with his peers. Hovering over him as he plays is also apt to restrict his activities, with the result that he may not get the exercise he needs. Know that constantly intervening on your child's behalf with his teachers and school administrators isn't the best way to stay involved with his schooling. If your child behaves badly or performs poorly, he should be the one to deal with the consequences. This will help teach him responsibility and to deal with authority figures outside the home and prepare him for dealing with real world authorities later in life such as bosses or police officers. If your child truly has special needs, such as a disability, he still can benefit from taking responsibility, although the school will need to put modifications and accommodations in place through an individualized educational plan, known as an IEP. Realize that it's not your job to complete school assignments for your child, since he's the one who is receiving the education and should be graded on his own merits. If you do his work for him, his teacher won't be able to tell what he needs help with. Helping with homework is OK if you're guiding your child towards finding the answers in his textbook, online or in the library. Don't spoon-feed him the solutions, and don't stand over him nagging him to complete each task as this may backfire on you with him refusing to do any work at all. Understand that your child needs to take full responsibility for his own actions once he leaves home or enters college or a career. At that point, you are helicopter parenting if you call him every day, ask him to call you everyday or frequently text him. Checking on him continually, no matter how subtle you think you are being with your text messages or conversations, undermines his confidence, sending the message you are worried about how he is doing. Resist the urge to tell him what classes to take or to sway him toward the major you think he should choose. Suggestions are OK, but he's the one who will be living with these decisions, and after all, it's his life. Don't drop in on him unexpectedly or call his professors. Ask yourself if your child is, or should be, able to complete a task for himself before you step in and do it for him. Don't be the helicopter parent who who picks up the toy the toddler drops or brushes her 10-year-old's teeth or fills out her 17-year-old's college applications. If he can expect you to take care of all of life's tedious details for him, he will never learn to stand on his feet and will be unable to take care of himself when you're not around to do it for him. Be a submarine parent. According to Silvana Clark, author of "Fun-Filled Parenting: A Guide to Laughing More and Yelling Less," this means you stay close to your young child or available to your older child so you can intervene in the event of a serious problem or dangerous situation, but that you keep a low profile while doing so. Don't encourage your child to run to you every time something goes wrong. Keeping a low profile allows him to realize just how much he can accomplish on his own, as he grows into a responsible, independent adult.
