The 1,2,3 Approach to Child Discipline

1-2-3

• The counting method is a way of getting your child's attention and letting him know his behavior is unacceptable. When your 5-year-old child acts up, start by simply saying, "That's one." Don't belabor the point, get upset, explain why he can't have a cookie right before dinner, or otherwise justify your disciplinary action. If he persists more than a few seconds, say, "That's two." Again, do not engage in conversation with your child to explain. He already knows why this behavior isn't acceptable. If he continues the behavior, follow-up with "That's three. Take five."

Time-out Follow-up

• Counting to three accomplishes nothing unless you follow up with a consequence, which is where the phrase "Take five" enters in. When you say these final words, your child goes to time-out. Phelan recommends sending the child to her room for time-out or sitting her on a chair. The child stays in time-out for as many minutes as she is old; each attempt to escape adds another minute onto the time-out. Time-out is not a punishment, but a time to calm down and regain control of her behavior.

Putting It Into Action

• You must not start using the 1-2-3 Magic system one day, in the middle of the supermarket, and expect your child to understand what you're doing and why. Putting this type of discipline into action takes pre-planning and conversations with your child ahead of time, so he knows what to expect. Explain to your child during a quiet time, not in the middle of a tantrum, how you will react to behavior your child knows is wrong and has been warned about or punished for in the past. Just explain; the new method is not up for debate, although you can answer questions the child asks, as long as they're not manipulative or nonsensical questions designed to distract you from the main point, such as "What if I do it a million times?"

Results

• This method works only if you carry through your threats exactly as you said you would, and if both parents work together. The moment a child sees a chink in your armor, you're doomed to failure. But if you apply the method consistently, you will see results. At a mental health clinic in Canada that taught the technique to parents whose children were on a waiting list for evaluation, 90 percent reported an improvement in behavior after three months. Around 50 percent no longer felt like their children needed evaluation for mental health disorders, according to a July 2011 article published on Irishtimes.com.