How to Get Your Kids to Trust You
Many kids go out of their way to hide aspects of their lives from their parents, whom they fear will punish or lecture them if they disapprove of their actions. Earning your children's trust is one way to ensure they come to you when they face tough problems.
Instructions
Be available and listen. Psychologist Laura Markham argues that if you don't make time to listen to your children about the little things, they won't come to you later with the big things. Make the time to talk to them about their day, even when you're busy. Start this habit while they are young -- even in preschool -- to establish a foundation that lets them know that you are there to listen. Resist the urge to jump in with opinions and advice. When your child comes to you with a problem, she might not always be seeking a solution. An article in "Woman's Day" magazine notes that everyone needs to vent sometimes -- even kids. If you just listen, you might find that your child already has worked out the solution and is sharing it with you. By jumping in with your own opinions, you send the message that you don't trust your child to make the right decisions. Wait until it is clear that your child needs help -- or until you are asked -- to provide feedback. Don't overreact. The older your child gets, the stickier the problems he'll face. For example, he might have a friend who shoplifts when they go to the mall together, or he might tell you that he's been offered cigarettes. If you become angry or start lecturing, you will alienate your child and possibly teach him not to come to you with problems in the future. Markham recommends taking a deep breath, and if you need time to calm down, tell your child "I need some time to think about this." When you are ready to have the conversation, work with your child to reach solutions rather than lecturing. Don't betray their confidence. Your child's problems might not seem like big problems to you, but you should still treat them that way. By sharing what your child has told you with friends or family members, even your own spouse, you risk betraying his confidence and losing his trust. The "Woman's Day" article also notes that sharing this information could embarrass your child or hurt his feelings. Be honest. Markham argues that if you make a habit of lying to your children or keeping the truth from them -- even in an effort to protect them -- you risk losing their trust. Tell the truth even in seemingly innocuous situations, such as when they ask you whether a shot will hurt. Keep your word. When you make a promise, keep it. When you tell your children that something is important, be a role model by doing it yourself.
