How to Instill Values in Children
According to Haim Ginott, a psychologist and author of the book ̶0;Between Parent and Child,̶1; what̵7;s obvious to a parent is often over the head of a child. Even for values that stem from common sense, such as living up to your responsibilities or treating others with respect, aren̵7;t easy for a child to understand. As a parent who wants to raise a child with a strong set of values, you must first explain the reasoning behind those values and then help your child to act on those values in practical situations.
Instructions
Explain to your children your family's values. Avoid using declarative statements that come off as orders, such as, ̶0;Children should do their homework,̶1; in favor of statements that show the child either the importance of the value or the reason behind the value. For example, motivate your child to attach importance to her academic work by explaining how her parents work hard to provide food, shelter and fun activities. You could point out how in other families children must work to provide money for the family, but that as a family, you emphasize education. In this way, you show your child that her education is a privilege and that by doing well in school, she lives up to her parents̵7; expectations. Help children control their impulses. Stop a child at that turning point where emotions become spontaneous behavior. At witnessing your daughter getting angry, for instance, intervene before she acts on that anger, which might be violence or name-calling. Stop her and make it salient to her that she̵7;s acting out of anger, not out of thought. Take advantage of emotional awareness to drive new decision-making processes. With younger children, give suggestions on alternative behaviors. With older children, brainstorm together better reactions to negative emotions. Use your family values as a basis for this decision making. For example, remind your angry son that you are a family that is against violence. Elicit better ways to react to anger, such as using persuasion to resolve conflicts or by seeking out a parent to be a mediator.
