How to Deal With a Bossy Argumentative Child

Some behaviors in children are shed with age. Problems with sharing, tattling and issues with self-control are overcome with time and exposure to other children. Other behaviors, however, need adult intervention to overcome them. Bossy and argumentative traits are ones that children can carry into adulthood if the parents don't intervene. The problem here is not the child that takes charge, but the one who forces his will on others. Parents can help curb the behaviors before they are ingrained in the child's personality.

  1. Don't Argue

    • It is all too easy to engage an arguing child. Parents feel the need to explain their position. Some become swept up in the moment. Whatever your reason, the point is to refrain from arguing with an argumentative child. Arguing with the child is a reaction to behavior that puts the parent on the defensive. In defending your actions or "side" of the argument, the topic shifts from the child to you. Teacher Vision suggests keeping the conversation in the realm of the "discussion" by avoiding confrontational statements, accusatory tones and loss of temper. Parents also have the option of closing the discussion until the child cools down from argument mode.

    Give Options, Not Control

    • A bossy child is actually a child that tries to cultivate the confidence and strength that he is not getting from his parents. Instead of feeling secure in the fact the mom and/or dad is there when needed, the bossy child feels that no one is there and he must take care of himself. Therein lies that need to be "boss." To counteract this behavior, according to Transformative Parenting, make your daily decisions based on the needs of the child and not the wants. You can still let the child make some decisions, but do so by giving the child options to choose from that you have vetted beforehand. For example, let the child choose between two meal choices for dinner, instead of being left to create the menu and cook it for himself. This will help you transition back into proper parent and child roles.

    Give Praise

    • Transformative Parenting states that the bossy child has an underlying sense of insecurity that must be addressed. Argumentative kids are the same way. Use positive reinforcement and praise for the child's good behaviors to help eradicate that insecurity. Build the child's self-esteem to reduce the arguing and bossiness.

    Seek Help

    • Children who fail to respond to positive words, who seem to push for an argument and those who desperately grasp for control may have a deeper trouble. Conditions such as Attention Deficit Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Attachment Disorder all manifest as bossy and argumentative traits in children. A visit with a child psychology professional can rule out these disorders and others. If your child does have further psychological trouble, the professionals can give early intervention treatment to help you and the child deal with the arguing and bossiness.

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