Mom calls parenting ‘mundane’ and ‘relentless’ and sparks online debate
Parenting is many things — challenging, rewarding, demanding, fulfilling and yes, sometimes even a little boring. When one toddler mom, recently depicted in a viral post on the Humans of New York Instagram and Facebook, shared that she finds parenting “relentless” and “mundane,” many parents nodded and cheered. But others are slamming the mom for what they consider to be a harsh portrayal of parenthood.
The unnamed mom and her toddler were photographed by Brandon Stanton, the photographer behind the Humans of New York photo project who has achieved viral fame for taking photos of anonymous subjects and sharing them online with quotes about their lives. In her interview with Stanton, the mom explains why she’s happy to be returning to her full-time job as an emergency room doctor, rather than staying at home with her young son.
“He’s starting to be less dependent, but so far it’s been pretty relentless and repetitive. A lot of changing diapers and feeding. The same mundane task over and over again. It can be exhausting and depersonalizing,” she says.
The mom adds that her partner is staying home with their son, and that she feels the emergency room is where she is “most useful to the world.”
She continues:
The mom’s comments immediately started a debate within the comments on the Humans of New York Facebook page. Over 10,000 people weighed in there and many more on its Instagram iteration, with some folks applauding the mom for her honesty and others boldly questioning her love for her son.
“I love this honesty and her ability to value herself and her career,” one person writes. “People seem to be so critical of mothers who don̵7;t LOVE being a stay-at-home parent. I am proud of this mom for honoring herself.”
Another commenter writes that she is a stay-at-home mom and she sees no problem with what the emergency room doctor says. “GOOD FOR YOU for knowing yourself, your spouse and your life! You will be a better mother and a better citizen when you use the gifts that bring you joy and meaning — ALL your gifts, not just the ones that fit on a Hallmark card,” she says.
But others accuse the mom of not taking her role as a mom seriously enough. “Being a parent is the most important job in the world. Who do you think raises the wonderful doctors, nurses, scientists, fireman, etc. of the world? Making the world a better place starts with one child at a time,” one person says.
A separate commenter says the mom “doesn’t deserve this beautiful child.”
It’s important to point out that the conversation may have been very different had a dad been the one saying he finds parenting monotonous and loves being at work. While moms are often expected to center their lives around their young children, few people take issue with a father admitting that he’s devoted to his job and doesn’t want to be a stay-at-home caregiver.
Similarly, there is nothing wrong with a mother admitting that she feels most valued and fulfilled in her career. Parenting, like most things in life, is not one-size-fits-all. Parents may be united in the fact that they all love their kids and want to do what’s best for them, but how that looks won’t be the same for every family, and every parent deserves the space and support to make the choice that works for them.
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