Effective Ways to Deal With a 9-Year-Old Girl

Dealing with a 9-year-old girl may not be easy, but it requires understanding and positive communication. She may feel stuck between childhood and the growing need for independence. Friends become increasingly important and she can benefit from the reassurance that her changing body is healthy and normal. Although your 9-year-old may seem obstinate and like she is pushing you away, she still needs your guidance and unconditional love.

  1. Connect

    • Show interest in your 9-year-old and make it a point to connect with her regularly. As she grows, the relationship you have sets the foundation for how she responds to the wisdom you want to share. She may value what her friends say, but she still wants to connect with you. Spend time doing activities she likes, start a journal that you can pass back and forth, and ask for her input on family decisions.

    Listen

    • Listen to your 9-year-old and reflect what you hear. Many children simply want to be heard. They need to know that the person they care about is willing to hear what they have to share. If your 9-year-old girl is upset take a breath, focus your attention on listening openly and tell her what you heard her say. An example of this is "What I heard you say is that you are frustrated the teacher chose someone else to lead the class?" Then listen to see if you heard her correctly. If not, try again until you understand where she is coming from.

    Problem Solve

    • Teach your 9-year-old how to solve her own problems. As she gains more independence and responsibility she can benefit from learning how to solve problems. If she is having trouble at school ask her how she feels she may work through the issue. Does she have any ideas? If not, you may offer some options or some ideas that other 9-year-old girls might use. Since she probably is very aware of what she doesn't want, ask her what she does want and how she thinks she may work towards making that happen.

    Choices

    • Offer your 9-year-old choices whenever possible. She is ready to make choices for herself and understand that they bring results in her life. Talk to her about the fact that choices have either positive or negative consequences. Encourage choice awareness by pointing out her choices and their results. An example is "I noticed you cleaned up your room right after school and now you have time to relax before dinner." You can offer her the choice to do her homework before or after dinner and set out her clothes before bed or choose them in the morning. Get to know what works for your kid, release the need to punish and allow her to experiment with the power of choice.

    Appreciate

    • Appreciate your 9-year-old girl for who she is right now. Make a list of all of her traits that you love. Start small and grow the list. When she's irritable or you are faced with a problem between the two of you, focus on what you appreciate and work to resolve the problem from that perspective rather than on what you don't like about how she is coming across.

    Model

    • Demonstrate the behavior you want to see. If your 9-year-old girl is disrespectful to you, respect her even more. Directly show her how you want to be treated and how treating others respectfully is a viable way to work through her frustrations.

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