Helping Kids Deal With a Dying Relative

The right support can help a child deal with death in a positive way. Allowing children to openly communicate their feelings helps them vocalize their innermost thoughts and concerns. Children should be given age-appropriate explanations about death and the circumstances surrounding the loss. Parents may need to expect a temporary regression in behaviors like toilet training or weaning. Parents should also feel secure in grieving with their children, within limits. Grief in front of children should not reach a point that it would scare the child. Grief is a normal, natural part of life through which children can successfully navigate with a good support system.

  1. Open Conversation

    • The National Association of School Psychologists recommends that parents and teachers of grieving children keep an open line of communication with the child. Children process loss in their own time, and may need to speak about their loss many times to work through their grief. The association recommends that parents and teachers allow the child to lead the conversation. Children are encouraged to be the teachers in this situation, in that they share their feelings and thoughts with the adults.

    Keep Explanations Age-Appropriate

    • Understanding death can be difficult for children. Kids Health advises parents to keep conversations regarding the death of a loved one on an age-appropriate level. This children's health site describes children as literal beings until the age of 5 to 6 years old. Parents should keep explanations simple, such as, "Grandma was sick and the doctors could not fix her body any more." As children get older they are more capable of understanding more complex explanations, but at early ages, the talk should be kept simple and honest.

    Regression

    • The Children's Grief Education Association advises parents that grieving children may exhibit regressive behavior. For example, a child that was recently potty-trained may regress back to wearing diapers for a period of time. A child who has been weaned for a time may want to return to the bottle or breast. The grief association says parents should remain patient during these times, as children are trying to grieve through returning mentally to a safe period of time. These regressive behaviors are normal and temporary.

    Sharing Grief

    • Children learn many behaviors by mimicking what is shown to them. The Child Mind Institute recommends that parents grieve, within reason, in front of their children. They say parents and children can grieve together, as long as there is no explosion of emotions involved. The institute advises parents to let children see them cry, or be sad about losing a loved one, as reassurance that their own feelings are true and valid. As children witness their parents moving through grief, they will find their own way also.

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