Is It Bad to Have High Expectations for Your Child?

Part of parenting involves communicating your expectations for your children. If your kids don̵7;t know what you expect, they usually have a hard time meeting these goals. An ongoing challenge will involve setting realistic expectations ̵1; neither too high nor too low. Setting excessively high expectations might have a variety of negative results.

  1. Problems with High Expectations

    • If your expectations for your child̵7;s achievements and success are too high, you will likely see specific indications in the way she behaves and the things she ways. If your expectations feel impossible to your child, she might procrastinate or even give up completely, warns psychologist Dr. Silvia Rimm. Some children feel overwhelmed and even paralyzed if a parent̵7;s expectations feel insurmountable.

    Common Feelings in Children

    • As a child wrestles with meeting too high expectations, he may feel anxiety, anger and even depression. Many of these feelings stem from the child̵7;s innate belief that he is not able to meet these goals, which could lead to feelings of inadequacy and problems with self-esteem. Sometimes a child may not even understand where the negative feelings originate, making it difficult for a parent to figure out that the problem is the expectations, cautions Rimm.

    Assess Strengths

    • To avoid issues with expectations that are too high, look carefully at your child̵7;s strengths to enable you to set realistic expectations. Watch your child ̵1; maybe he̵7;s a natural on the baseball field or he could be a whiz with electronics. Perhaps your daughter excels with numbers and can̵7;t get enough math. Once you have a feel for your child̵7;s strengths and interests, use this information to set realistic expectations that will both challenge and inspire your child, suggests the National PTA website.

    Communicate Clearly

    • Another part of setting expectations involves communicating them clearly to your child, advises the IowaParents.org website. Even if your expectations are slightly off and you set them a little too high, communication enables you to solve the problem quickly because you and your child will be having regular conversations about goals and you will hear clues that could indicate a problem. If you realize that you need to readjust expectations, fix them and then continue your ongoing conversations about goals with your child.

    Provide Support

    • Sometimes expectations may be challenging for a child, but this doesn̵7;t make them impossible. Support is a key to meeting goals, states the National Education Association. If you provide your youngster with strong support and guidance as he works to succeed, he may be able to meet even challenging expectations successfully. Imagine the confidence boost your child will experience when he scores well on a difficult test, thanks to your confidence, guidance, help and support.

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