Telling Your Caretaker How to Take Care of Your Kids

As much as you might want to always keep your children under your supervision, the day is likely to come when you need to leave them under someone else's watchful eye. Whether your chosen caretaker is a local teenager just starting out or the living embodiment of Mary Poppins, it is important that you set and share clear guidelines for taking care of your children.

  1. Give Reasons

    • Your caretaker may not understand or like the way you want your children handled or treated, so tell him why you follow the rules that you have. State your rules and reasons in a matter-of-fact way and do not apologize for them. For example, "We only let Carly use her phone, computer or the television before 7 p.m. because we want her to do activities that do not require a screen," communicates more about your values and expectations that, "Don't let Carly use technology after 7 p.m."

    Provide Resources

    • Let your caretaker know what does or does not work well with your children, as well as any behaviors to watch out for. Though she will have her own way of interacting with your kids, it helps continuity if you let her know that Cosette responds well to craft time as a motivator or that Joseph generally has a meltdown if you try counting to three to as a warning. If you use rewards or charts, let your caretaker know what they are, as well as contact information for you and any other important adults.

    Set Limits

    • Make sure your caretaker knows if there are disciplinary actions that you do not want used with your children, or if there are activities that you do not want your children to do. If you feel your caretaker may have a hard time understanding or enforcing these limits, tell him what they are in front of your child. For example, "Okay Kathy, you know that Mutambo knows that you are not allowed to play with your puzzles until your homework is finished, so don't try asking him." Remember to couple these limits with explanations as to why you set them.

    Keep Communicating

    • Talk with your caretaker about how things are going with the kids, both the positive and the negative. Touching base can be as simple as, "Jorge said he had a great time making a train with those boxes yesterday. Thank you. How is everything else going?" If you start to have problems with your caretaker, address them as soon as possible in a direct, but non-aggressive, way, such as "Nguyen told me something yesterday that concerns me. I'd like to talk to you before you start work today." As hard as it may be to bring up something that needs to be worked on, do it before it gets to the point that someone gets hurt or you feel you need to replace your caretaker.

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