How to Deal With a Difficult Foster Child

It is not uncommon for a foster child to exhibit difficult behavior as a result of disrupted relationships and tumultuous experiences. Your foster child may test your love by attempting to push you away, or may use control and manipulation tactics to get what he wants or needs. By parenting using gentle, compassionate techniques that seek to establish a connection with your child as you correct rebellious behavior, you are helping to heal your child's early wounds.

Instructions

    • 1

      Understand that your foster child has been through trauma. He has entered foster care because something has gone wrong for him, and the foundational relationship between him and his biological parent is in question. Understanding this is key to parenting and disciplining with compassion.

    • 2

      Teach your foster child to trust you. According to adoptive father Michael Monroe, leader of Tapestry Adoption and Foster Care Ministry, every foster child has experienced the wounds of relational trauma. Your foster child's experiences have impacted him in many ways, often resulting in a limited ability to trust. When he tries to shut you out, you must move in closer -- looking him in the eyes and listening to him calmly so you can establish an emotional connection. In "Fostering Perspectives," foster parent Cindy Meyers states that parents should provide consistence and stability to help a foster child develop trust.

    • 3

      Use corrective techniques that focus on building a connection with your child as they correct behavior. Time-in techniques support your child's social and emotional needs, according to the Carolina Institute for Conflict Resolution and Creative Leadership. For the toddler foster-child, this may be as simple as placing him on your lap as you help him quiet down, becoming his ally as you discuss his behavior. For a school-aged child, take him for a walk as you calmly discuss inappropriate behavior.

    • 4

      Give your child opportunities to have control during the day over the little things. When a child feels some control over his environment, it reduces his need to use manipulation and control to get what he wants. Provide your child with options for which extra-curricular activities he can participate in and let him pick. Offer him a selection of different desserts to choose from after dinner, or what book to read before bed.

    • 5

      Teach your child to care for others. According to Katherine Leslie, co-owner and senior consultant for Brand New Day Consultants, your foster child may not have been cared for and, as a result, may not want or know how to care. Don't label behaviors as "good" or "bad" but as "caring" or "not caring." Point out when you do something with or for your child -- cook a meal, clean the house, play a game -- because you care about him.

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