Advice for Parents of a Big Brother-to-Be
Adding a new baby to a family is a big deal ̵1; not only for the parents, but for the big brother-to-be as well. The age of your older child might determine the level of difficulty he̵7;ll experience during the transition. It̵7;s important to tell your son about the baby before or at the same time you tell your friends and family, so he doesn̵7;t hear about it from someone else. Then, there are things you can do at home before the baby arrives to help smooth the transition for you and the big brother-to-be.
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Explain Baby
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Depending on the age of your son, you might need to explain where the baby comes from as well as what he can expect when the new baby arrives. For younger children, saying the baby comes from mommy̵7;s tummy is fine. Older children might require more details. Follow your child̵7;s lead and respond with age-appropriate information. Tell your child that, in the beginning, the baby will require a lot of his attention. Point out that the baby won̵7;t do much else besides eat, sleep, make dirty diapers and cry. Most hospitals offer sibling birth classes, which will offer even more information for your son.
Big Brother̵7;s Baby Memories
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Sit down with your son and look through his baby pictures. Talk to him about when he was born and the different stages in his life. Explain how excited you were when he was born and tell him what his first words, first food or favorite toy were. Show him pictures of people holding him and explain that people were happy to hold him when he was a baby and they̵7;ll want to hold the new baby as well.
Books
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Help your son learn more about what life will be like once the new baby arrives by reading books about babies. Stories will help the big brother-to-be understand that mixed up feelings are okay and it might lead to conversations or questions from your son. For toddlers, the University of Michigan Health System suggests ̶0;We Have a Baby̶1; by Cathryn Falwel, ̶0;Our New Baby̶1; by Wendy Cheyette Lewison or ̶0;Spot̵7;s Baby Sister̶1; by Eric Hill.
Changes, Control and Choices
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Keep your son̵7;s routine as normal as possible as the birth of the baby gets closer. If you plan to make any big changes, such as moving him to a toddler bed, potty training him, or changing his room, do it well before the baby arrives. This prevents the big brother from blaming the baby for the disruption. Let your son make choices throughout his daily routine so he feels like he still has some control. Let him choose between two outfits or two snacks, for example. Let him participate in choices about what to buy the baby or where to put baby furniture so he feels like he's involved.
Baby̵7;s Birth
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Prepare ahead of time for big brother̵7;s care when you̵7;re at the hospital. Make sure he knows what is going on and who is going to take care of him during that time. Outline his routine for those caring for him if they̵7;re not familiar with it so your son has some consistency. Plan on having your son visit you in the hospital after the birth. Try not to have the baby in the room initially or make sure someone else is holding it, so you can give your son some undivided attention.
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