How to Help an Adopted Older Child With Attachment
You have recently adopted an older child but he is having difficulty in feeling that he is part of your family. Everyone has done their best to make him feel welcome but he feels alone and alienated. Finding ways to let him know he is loved and belongs may take some effort, but with time and extra attention, he will come to trust your love and feel at home in his new family.
Instructions
Take the adoption process very slowly. Many older adopted children have been taken from homes where drugs and abuse were prevalent. Some may have not been fed regularly while others may have lost their parents to death or abandonment. Trust and self esteem may be very low and it will take time for your child to realize he is safe and cared for. In an "Adoptive Parent" magazine article, Mary Ann Curan, director of the World Association for Children and Parents, advises "Do expect a lot of time to pass before your child feels like part of your family, and accepts the change that his adoption entails. This does not mean years of disruptive behavior, but it may be a long time before he feels he truly belongs.̶1; Make time for each one of your children, both biological and adopted. Find common ground to share with them. If you are adopting a teenager, you may find that you share tastes in music. Choose and play tunes that reflect your combined interests. A younger child may be interested in art -- take him to openings and exhibits to help him grow and develop in his area of talent. If movies are his thing, establish a movie night for everyone in the family to enjoy and take turns choosing the film of the evening. And don't forget the popcorn. Keep expectations of all the children in your household consistent and fair. Chore schedules, disciplinary measures and grade expectations should be the same or similar depending on the different ages and abilities of the youngsters. Make the adopted child feel like he belongs by keeping his role in the family consistent with that of his siblings as singling him out for special treatment will cause resentment and alienation. Utilize post adoption services. Your adopted child should be seeing a therapist to assist with any transition problems or other issues that may affect his ability to attach with members of the family. Having an objective person to help him cope with the newness of a strange family will do wonders for helping sort out his feelings and emotions as he finds his way to belonging to his new forever family.
